Lay it Down Flava Flav

From the Archives . . .

Lay it Down Flava Flav

Flava Flav- The greatest Hype man in Hip-Hop who told us, “Don’t believe the hype!” I think you are starting to believe your own hype. It’s over. Your run is over, Lay It Down! I will admit, it was a great run, but Tha Return of Flav has run its course. Let ‘er go!

We remember Public Enemy for delivering socially conscious hip-hop letting the world know that there was more to hip-hop than gangsta rap, gold chains, and the sambo hip-hop for the sake of selling music. For those of us old enough to remember Chuck D entreating us to “Fight the Power” and you echoing the sentiments heard in every hood, “911 is a Joke,” your return to the spotlight made us exhale in disbelief. You made a return to our collective consciousness as the personification of the images and lyrics you once eschewed. The anti-thesis what Public Enemy stood for.

That may not be your problem because you are having fun and getting paid, right? NO, THAT IS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM. That is the definition of SELLING OUT! Evidently, you had your price!

Let’s recount how it happened:

Flava Flav is cast as one of the housemates on the reality show Surreal Life where a burgeoning romance with Brigitte Nielsen in spun off into another reality show called Strange Love. Strange indeed. After the relationship with Nielsen inevitably failed, Flav decided to have a pageantry of misfits, strippers, and all sorts of fame-hungry women on The Flava of Love in hopes of finding love. Unfortunately, the “winner” Hoopz did not find you to be a desirable mate, so it was on to season 2. Again, love was not to be, as Deelishas, was just using the show as platform to launch her music and clothing line of jeans for women with big butts.

In the end, after two seasons of The Flava of Love, Flav discards the “love” he found on the show for the mother of his children.

The Flava of Love has spawned ungodly children of its own. A memorable castoff, Tiffany (known as New York on the show) was given a spin-off: I Love New York (Seasons 1 & 2) and New York goes to Hollywood (coming soon). Capitalizing on the success of the Flava of Love, VH1, using the same formula, created the Rock of Love, with Bret Michaels (Seasons 1 & 2) and A Shot at Love, with Tila Tequila (Seasons 1 & 2). Additionally, some the castaways and rejects from these shows were brought back on I Love Money, where, instead of looking for love, they now compete for money.

VH1 has been masterful! Plucking the Flava Flav from the WB channel and pasting him on the forefront of the reality madness, replaying the show every couple of hours daily.

And now, you have been granted a sitcom? And there is talk of you dropping an album? WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END??!!

Flava you stand at the summit of the Mountain of Buffoonery. Please accept the crown of King Sambo, the Maestro of Coonery.

Sadly, I admit that I watched the Flava of Love, Season One and Season Two. What can I say? It was entertaining!

Lay it down Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth!

From the Archives




Lay it down Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth!

To the new category of faux-celebrities that are titled “Celebreality” I wish to say, “Know your role and shut your damn mouth!” This goes for you Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth. Do us all a favor, LAY IT DOWN!

What is your claim to fame? Oh yes, being an obnoxious biatch with an over-inflated sense of worth with an ego that could rival Kanye West's. You were terrible on both Apprentice segments that you appeared on, but your showing on the Celebrity Apprentice set a new standard for despicable behavior. You claim to be so smart and possess so much business savvy, yet showed nothing to support such a claim. In two stints on the Apprentice your record of 0 wins in 4 tries as a Project Manager, with one of the defeats being called the worst thrashing by Trump. I know that everyone has a right to eat - and this is "character" of yours, as you claim, is your bread; but please, do us all a favor - LAY IT DOWN! A TV Guide survey voted you the most reviled reality show contestant. That goes right along with the People Magazine story on your real life concluded that your [unstable nature resulted in your banishment from four jobs in two years due in part to your inability to get along with people]. (Thank you Wikipedia)

I will concede this to you; no one has milked the "bad guy" character this side of WWE, like you have. As we watch the clock tick down on your fame clock (14 minutes and 59 seconds), we’ll see you on The Surreal Life. Oops, we already did. Next stop . . . the Elephant Graveyard (i.e. any of the celeb-reality shows on VH1)!

And now you are releasing a book?!! The Bitch Switch: Knowing How to Turn it On and Off.
Do us all a favor, just GO AWAY!


-till next time.

Lay it down Elisabeth Hasselbeck

from the Archives

Lay it down Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Hasselbeck, 31, served as the official emcee at a luncheon for Cindy McCain just hours before John McCain's big speech. Hasselbeck also showed off vintage-style "McCain '08" T-shirts she designed herself, and spent time on the floor of the convention taping a segment that will air on Monday, Sept. 8, on The View. "She was a bit of a rock star," a source tells PEOPLE. "The Republicans were all over her, fawning over her, telling her she was the best, clapping and cheering at her speech at the lunch. She wrote it herself, by the way." [People.com, RNC, by Mark Dagostino –Sept. 5, 2008].


Elisabeth Hasselbeck, LAY IT DOWN! Who are you? No, seriously, who are you and where did you come from? What did you do before you joined The View? And why do we care about your viewpoints?

I guess the same can be said about me right? But there is a difference. I actually think about what I’m going to say before I say it. By the way, did you notice People had to emphasize that she wrote the speech herself! I guess that must be a notable accomplishment for her.

I know The View needs you - someone must serve as the resident narrow-minded, lame-brained idiot. I have watched The View a number of times and leave with the same dissatisfied feeling lamenting the hour that I will never get back. I watch it hoping that the few moments of insightful comments from Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters and the humorous simpleton comments from the simple minded black lady (who I can’t for the life of me ever remember her name- oh yeah, Sherri Shepherd) can counter the obnoxious and ill-thought out comments from Hasselbeck.

Your scant life experiences and sheltered background compounded with your ill-read worldview collectively produce some of the narrowest minded comments to be spit out on TV. I invite different viewpoints as much as the next person, but come on?!! Are you kidding me?

I understand that you are a conservative, but you walk the party line like a mindless drone. All I’m asking is for you to THINK a little. Are you reading from the Conservative’s Daily Digest? Were you given a list of talking points? I consider myself an independent so don’t try to lump me in the liberal box. Contrived and regurgitated.

You the reader, might ask what am I doing at 10am during the weekday to have time to watch the View anyway. Well, my work schedule is flexible enough that it allows it! And at 10am, my options are limited. After watching an hour and half of CNN Headline News (which loops every 30 minutes) and Your World Today, my options are down to baseball highlights on ESPN, the start of the soap opera lineup, the various court shows (Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and the like).

Your appearance outside of the View, at the Republican National Convention, as a self-appointed spokesperson, is a just a little too much for me to swallow. So please, for the sake of sanity, LAY IT DOWN!

Lay It Down Phillip Berg

Here’s the issue:

Mr. Phillip Berg filed a lawsuit, on Aug 21, 2008 against Sen. Barack Obama alleging that Sen. Obama was not a natural born citizen, thus ineligible for the presidency. The Berg case requires Obama to present birth documents proving otherwise (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2066207/posts).

Sen. Obama was born on Aug. 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii, the 50th state of the United States of America.

Sen. McCain was born on Aug. 29, 1936 on the Coco Solo Naval Air Station, in the Panama Canal Zone, in Panama.

On the Indonesian argument: Berg posits, even if he was “natural-born” in the first instance, by going to school in Indonesia, he forfeits his US citizenship, and would have to go through the immigration process and become a “naturalized” citizen afterwards.

Berg starts by alleging that Obama was born in Kenya not in Hawaii. He then goes acknowledging that Obama is a citizen, but forfeited his citizenship by living and going to school in Indonesia.

I guess you can lose your citizenship by living and going to school in another country.

I respond to this not because it warrants attention on its own merit. I respond instead because this is yet another example of diversionary tactics and fear-mongering.

This lawsuit is baseless and absolutely ridiculous. I don't want to waste anymore time talking about this. The lawsuit should be thrown out with the trash, with Berg in tow.

Phillip Berg, LAY IT DOWN !!

Olympic Olympic, and not so Olympic

This is from the Archives, written on the eve of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.

Olympic, Olympic, and not so Olympic: A Lay It Down Special Edition

I have watched as much of the Olympics as I possibly could, staying up late into the night to watch things live in Beijing time, going work late in order to watch the morning telecasts, and recording others so I could watch them later.

The Olympics convene every four years and the best of human focus, training, and performance are on display – representatives from 204 countries vie to earn a place in history as the best in whatever field they compete in. I love the Olympics!

Some of my favorite moments:

Opening and Closing Ceremonies – like a visual ice cream sundae: so many things going on at once, the individually pleasing but collectively Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Watching Kobe Bryant elevate his game to an even higher level to carry Team USA’s Redeem Team to gold victory of an excellent Spanish team. Kobe Bryant, Slam Dunk Giant.

Usain Bolt exploding the barriers of human speed – defying what we thought of human limitations in speed: a 9.69 100m sprint (World Record), 19.30 200m sprint (World Record), and 37.10 4x100m Relay (World Record).

The entire Jamaican contingent in the sprints: Big UPs to Jamaica! Representing like never before.

Michael (M-fing Aquaman, the Man from Atlantis, the son of Poseidon) Phelps. Need I say more!! Brian Lezak- clutch. Dara Torres, Natalie Coughlin.

US Softball upset by Japan.

Ivory Coast vs. Serbia soccer match. Best Soccer game I’ve ever seen. Ivory Coast won was 4-2. If every soccer match was played like this, it would definitely pick up more fans in the US. Both teams were relentlessly attacking; instead of the defensive-minded approach of the other teams.

Of course, Nigeria picking up the Silver Medal in soccer.

Nastia Liukin and the US Gymnastics team, The US Volleyball Men’s Team’s win against Brazil for Gold- a game that would make an instant volleyball fan out of anyone.

There were so many compelling stories, triumphs, and performances – many of which we didn’t seen or know about because everything couldn’t be covered.

So despite all of this, I have some complaints – so bear with me. First of all let me preface the following by saying that my opinions don’t reflect what I think of the sport in question as a true sport. My contention is the decision to include it an Olympic Sport. These Sports should Lay It Down as Olympic Sports.

Let’s start:

BMX, Skateboarding – yes, it requires skill, but we have the X Games now, that’s the forum.

Badminton – I’m not saying playing it is not difficult, but watching it was!

Rhythmic Gymnastics – individual and team, I’m sorry, dancing with hoola-hoops is not Olympic. Besides, we already have regular gymnastics.

Trampoline – Are you serious? Again, some of this belongs in the regular gymnastics. Backflipping on a trampoline is for the backyard, parks, picnics, and carnivals, not the Olympics.

Synchronized Diving – you mean to tell me that people practice diving together? There are individual diving competitions at the Olympics, stick to that.

Synchronized Swimming – see Rhythmic Gymnastics above. I didn’t see/watch this at this Olympics, but this deserves mentioning.

Race-walking – ??!!! WHAT ???!!! I don’t get this at all. Racewalking, speedwalking, or whatever they want to call it is not Olympic. I want to walk up to one of the competitors and push them into a jog! I don’t know where to categorize this: are you too slow to jog? The hip-swishing for 30 Kilometers just offends my sensibilities – you can’t lift your knees to high, you have to roll you foot from heel to toe. There were some people who were actually disqualified for going too fast! How does one figure out they are good at racewalking anyway? Do you get tired of jogging one day and say, hey, I can walk pretty fast. Matter of fact, I can walk fast enough to beat most of the people in the world.

Beach Volleyball- This last one is a little different. I really enjoyed watching this, both Men and Women’s competitions. But there is already a team volleyball competition (which was great by the way). But it should not be at the Olympics. If Beach Volleyball is included then there should be an Olympic 3 on 3 Basketball Tourney. As much as I like it, not Olympic.

There were some not so Olympic Moments:

You don’t drop your medal on the mat no matter how much you felt cheated!

You don’t roundhouse kick a referee in the face no matter how much you felt cheated!

I love Sports. I love the Olympic Games.

I call upon the Youths of the World to assemble 4 years from now, the year 2012, in London to celebrate the Games of the 30^th Olympiad .

Lay It Down, Lay It Down!

Lay it down, lay it down, you “**#$” lay it down.

So I have finally decided to publish this. I’ve been talking about from time to time, as circumstances and situation call for the need for some to LAY IT DOWN!

Welcome to the first session of Lay It Down. The purpose of Lay it Down is to put on blast those people, places, things, ideas, etc. that need to LAY IT DOWN!

Session one is dedicated to all those hip-hop artists who lack originality in giving themselves a moniker. If your stage name begins with Lil’ or Young, (even if you spell it Yung) – SHAME ON YOU. If someone gave you the name, you should have politely and firmly said no. If you gave the name to yourself, you need to be flogged.

Special allowance is given to Lil’ Wayne. If your skills are a tight as the “Best Rapper alive since the Best rapper retired” or if you sell out millions as this Cash Money Millionaire does (as evidenced by the recent release of The Carter III)– then by all means. Passes are also given to Lil’ Jon – you put Crunk on the map buddy! YoungBloodz also gets a pass; a group name.

However if you are new and have not established yourself, please, do us all a favor. Don’t enter the game with something as weak and unoriginal as the Lil’ or Young/Yung adjective in front of your name.

So for:

· Lil’ Flip, Lil’ Boosie, Lil’ Keke, Lil’ Scrappy, Lil’ Troy, Lil’ Romeo, Lil’ Wyte, Lil’ Weavah, Lil’ Ru, Lil’ Skeeter, Lil’ Fame, Lil Fame, Lil' Ru

· Young Jeezy, Young Buck, Yung Joc, Young Dro, Yung Berg, Yung Ralph, Yung Wun

LAY IT DOWN!

-If I forgot or left off anyone’s name off of this list, it probably means you are not well-known enough to be named (or didn’t show up on Google). You still have a chance to change your name.

How long can you be Lil’ or Young? At some point you will grow up or get older.

Are you hoping that you can capitalize on the name recognition of someone better than you? Maybe you would like to achieve success by association? Whatever the case it is hard to separate the true talent in the deep pool of mediocrity in which you all dwell.

There are plenty of examples of originality and creativity for names: T-Pain, Trick Daddy, Jadakiss, Ludacris, LL Cool J, Mos Def, any of the Wu-Tang among so many others.

Thank you Bow Wow and Webbie for dropping the Lil’ from your name, it is appreciated.

Let it be known, that this in no way reflects on how I feel about your music, only on the name. In fact I’m a fan of Jeezy, Buck, Dro, Joc, Scrappy, but drop the prefix.

For those of you whose names begin with “Big” – this extends to you too – LAY IT DOWN!

Stay tuned for the next edition!