Lay it Down: Engagement Rings

He went to Jared’s?!! “Your Friend in the Diamond biz.” I’m sorry, I don’t have any friends in the diamond business. They are all scheming bastards. Don’t get me wrong, I like diamonds like most people, but the diamond industry, well . . . let’s just say I got issues with the diamond industry.

The easy target would be blood diamonds. The human capital used and the lives butchered to mine the diamonds and sustain brutal warlords in their endless campaigns is just awful. That stuff is painful to think about, so we don’t. Also, the immediacy of this fades as more time passes from celebrity-led campaigns to bring attention to it. We try not to think about it when we are in the well-lit, iced-out showrooms full of majestically crafted jewelry.

My issues are with the insidious lies/beliefs we have been told about the value of diamonds:

1. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

2. The 4 Cs: Cut, Clarity, Color, Carats

3. Clarity: SI, VS, VVS, Flawless

4. How much to spend on an engagement ring

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

NO they are NOT! Diamonds don’t make everything OK. Just because he buys you diamonds doesn’t mean he loves you. If that’s the case, then everytime he messes up, he can buy you diamonds and everything will be forgiven. The nights he doesn’t come home – diamond earrings. The time you caught him with lipstick on his collar – diamond pendant. The time he put his hands on you – diamond necklace. See where I’m going? Anyway, folks are still mad at Kobe Bryant even though he bought his wife a huge diamond. Tiger Woods – he can afford lots of diamonds. . .

The 4 Cs: Cut, Clarity, Color, Carats.

I actually think that only 2 of the Cs are issues – Clarity and Carats.

Unless you have more than 2, Carats don’t mean much. No one can really tell the difference between 1.5 and 1.75 carats. It’s like when I say I’m 5’5 and a half.

Clarity only matters to the diamonds store and diamond collectors. For everyone else, it doesn’t matter that much. Unless you walk around with the ocular lens to show everyone that your diamond does not have any inclusions or folks painstakingly stare at your diamond to find flaws, it’s pointless. Most flaws are not visible to naked eye. For the person who wants to point out that your diamond is cloudy, tell their petty ass to kiss your cloudy ass.

So directly related to this is the classification of the clarity. That diamond certificate that shows the clarity is for collectors. So is the vin number they may offer to etch on it. If you lose that diamond, best believe you will NEVER get it back. It’s like the lo-jack on a stolen car that is driven across the border to Mexico. You can track it all you want, but it’s gone. Bottom line, if I can’t see it with my 20/10 vision, then I’m not worried about it.

How much to spend on an engagement ring?

This is my favorite because it is such horse shit. And for today’s Final Jeopardy question:

Who determined that 3 months’ salary is what you should spend on a ring?

It’s simple, the entity that has the most to gain from this arbitrary figure- Ding, ding, ding . . . The Diamond Industry!!

Note:

In 1938 Diamond prices were to sinking fast, so De Beers mining company enlisted ad agency N.W. Ayer & Son to help reverse the trend. A year later, it launched the “diamond is forever” campaign, promoted the idea that every marriage required the gift of a ring, and also invented the “two months’ salary” spending rule.

3 months’ salary is not to be taken lightly. I mean marriage is not either, but since the size of the ring is directly related to the happiness in your relationship/marriage then I guess it’s fine. I wonder how big of a ring Tiger is going to use to buy his happiness. Kobe’s was . . _(ALOT)_.

3 months’ salary, is that before or after taxes?

That’s your rent/mortgage, groceries, car note and insurance, utilities, cell phone, credit card bills, cable, medical insurance – if you got it, and everything else – FOR 3 MONTHS! Hmmm, I don’t know. (By the way, if either one of us breaks off the engagement, I want the ring back! I ain’t playing!!)

What happens to the engagement ring after the wedding? Some people stop wearing it, while others wear it alongside the wedding ring. But check out the irony, the wedding ring is quite a bit plain when compared to the engagement ring. What does that say about the value ascribed to the marriage as compared to the engagement?

The engagement is not about your commitment. It’s about the “oohh, how big is it? Let me see” from friends, family, and co-workers.

I’m just saying. . . .

The Best Thing that Happened to Tiger Woods

This scandal may be one of the best things that will happen to Tiger Woods. I’m pretty sure he disagrees. I’m pretty sure most of you disagree, but it could be one of those things that will eventually propel Tiger onto an even higher level than he was before.

Accenture, one of Tiger’s larger sponsors, announced that they are terminating their sponsorship of Tiger Woods. They stated that, based on the recent events, Tiger no longer fits their motto of integrity and steadiness. This is not going to be the last time that this type of thing happens. Another sponsor will drop another high profile athlete or celebrity, whose indiscretions does not align with their image.

Like a great story unfolding, we are at the 3rd stage in this chapter.
Previous chapters in Tiger’s life story have not been without excitement; the stories no less compelling. Tiger, the young Cablinasian (as he calls himself) phenom who broke thr;ough the old-boys network at Augusta. Tiger - the young maven with an iron club, smashing old records of The King, Arnold Palmer, chasing down the “Golden Bear” Jack Nicklaus’ achievements, while leaving many would-be contenders in his wake. We marvel at the amazing consistency, immutable discipline, and immeasurable drive shown by someone so young. We know that he will become the standard to which all others will be measured in golf. Thankfully, we are lucky to be witnesses. We get to watch it unfold.

We got to watch Tiger grow up. We saw the bond between the father who molded the legend and the son who is fulfilling his potential to the fullest. And we were present through the sad departure of Earl Woods. We smiled again as we saw Tiger get married and become a father, twice. We saw Tiger’s remarkable victory in the 2008 US Open. What made Tiger’s 2008 US Open victory so compelling was his perseverance and eventual victory over adversity. His legend grew when it was discovered that Tiger was playing through significant pain that would require season ending surgery, the following exploded. It was already considered that the Tiger played against himself while the rest of the field contended against each other for second place. Now, there was an added obstacle for Tiger to overcome, a torn ligament in his knee. He could barely walk, grimacing in pain with each swing. Tiger’s victory in this tournament added another feat of marvel to his already illustrious legend.

Were this the arc of the story it would be merely just a very good story. But now, we have entered a dark chapter; the dragon emerges from the shadows. We have watched Tiger conquer another obstacle, like Hercules and his Twelve Labors. Prior to his Twelve Labors, Hercules was just another herodemii-god, one of Zeus’ numerous progeny with mortal women. It was not till his eponymous feats did he transcend into “the greatest” discussion. What is sometimes forgotten though is the reason for the undertaking. The Labors were atonement for murdering his wife and kids during a fit of madness.

This chapter began with reports of Tiger in a car accident, on the heels of rumors (from the National Enquirer and following story for US Weekly) of illicit liaisons by Tiger with cocktail waitress. His refusal to talk to police regarding the incident, his apparent defensiveness and insistence of the private nature of the event fueled speculation. The first admission by his lover of their affair, the guilt-affirming voicemail that followed, and then the subsequent parade of women claiming to be part of the harem shattered the Arthurian Legend- our Lancelot has betrayed us. The floor fell out. The deification turned to scorn. We became angry. We cursed Tiger for betraying our trust. And so Tiger went into reclusion, indefinitely. When he finally emerges and eventually overcomes, like Hercules, immortality awaits, as a reward for his expiation. (see Bryant, Kobe; Rodriguez, Alex)

Tiger, we wait. . . .